The spiritual journey in this life is a mental one. I have learned a lot in my process of joining in on the expansion of consciousness. I am less concerned with my visions and insights, and more interested in discerning what is meant for me to know and understand at this time. I am open to healing as needed, but feel so much less “pulled down” as I realize the inner work I have done is truly healing.
As I accept those lower realizations and move into a more intense work of my soul mission and following this path of purpose I’ve finally realized. I yearn to learn and study those varied interests and bring them together.
I have been picking up the peices that I’ve kept and trying to understand their relationships. Putting together the bigger puzzle.
A little more than a week ago I had a dark day that pulled forth insecurities over the vision I had of my burning on the stake. Here is more of the story that came to surface in a dream-like way over the course of about 30 hours of intense shifts in consciousness rising and falling from my primordial subconscious.
I was a young girl, coming into maturity. I was living in my belief and connection with nature, medicine, and the spirit of what felt pegan or druidic. I was not poor or wealthy, but yet again a poor-middle class. A woman, not equipt for higher learning or school or work in this time. I rebelled against the pressure to conform.
A male friend [archetype] insisted that I “be careful”. I was close to him and this time’s version of polictic or religios counsil. I was fearless in my lifestyle and sense of freedom. I was not one to practice dark magic, I was simply doing ‘my thing my way’ as a woman of earth.
When the time came that this was truly challenged, and the times quickly moved into a dark age. I was assumed the practice of all other women (my friends surely) and their dark ways. I faught for my life and freedom but in the end, stood possition for fate to take place. As the fire consumed me, tied loosely to the stake with several others. They screamed and raged and struggled. I saw that masculine friend of counsil, out in the crowd, with terror and the look of demise, “Becareful” was his warning that I didn’t listen to. Maybe I should have as I died of these wicked flames.
Although this may have a strong attunement to Witch Trails, I had a very distant understanding of that, yes. This may actually be a past life. The differences between this dream-like story unfolding, and the 3 boys for example: They were more of a realm, a place in space-time that I interacted with consciously over time as if it was a real world in time. This memory was like remembering a dream you had in the middle of the day instead of the morning. Where suddenly you remember the dream entirely and can see it, feel it, and remember completely. This was more like that, a movie that played out from start to finish in a short bit of recall once or twice with more detail through out 1-2 days.
This day though, I really struggled to dismiss, accept, or understand it’s relevancy. I struggled to know who to call, what to think, how to process “what it was”. Of course, life gives you what you really need and tonight that was simply a friend, my husband. From a totally outside perspective, even with people close to you, it feels foreign and strange. And I knew deeply that this time, it didn’t really concern him or his soul. For example, I didn’t think then or now, that the masculine was anyone from this life, especially him. So processing that out of the equation wasn’t necissary in the end.
What I did realize with this help was:
- My respect, but distance from fire. I don’t like to play with fire. I appreciate it’s warmth, power, beauty, and purpose. But I do not pick fights or playtime with fire.
- My hesitance to the pegan teachings or ideas. Again, I am not afriad or against this, in fact I have a rather “been there done that” feeling to this. I just feel a strong polarization to it’s enganglements. I keep a polite respectful distance from it, just in case.
- My disgust and true recoil to being whipped or snapped. Anything like hit, punch, kick, cut, bruise, break, burns. Fine but whips? Being snapped with a rubber band? Deffinately not for me, I’ll straight hurt you without hesitation in self defense. This intuitively may or may not be related to this life.
I also had been struggling to really understand my block on wealth and making money. – To add to that was my Reptilian Past Life here – A true inner set back and I think what I got from this whole day was the realization that this life is not like that. I can explore, invent, practice, learn, and work however I want to. I just have to do it without fear or resentment of the system. It’s part of the reality here, and I’m on board with that. I think too that in lives that I have been in a High Counsil or Instructor positions, social, military and educational. That I am not part of those wars right now, that I have moved on from those lower, more dangerous times.
The rememberance of them serves to remind me of where I’ve been so I know how far I’ve come. As well as what I’ve survived, endured, and created. To warn me from making the same mistakes, and creating new karma. That I am truly here right now because of my own path.
It also serves to be able to recognize the type of character I’ve played so that I can understand what “my plan” of creation really is. What am I inventing? What am I practicing, honing, and bringing into form? Here and now, but also millions of years from now. Time is in constant motion, and I can trensend time now more easily also. Understanding those selves of consciousness has allowed me to explore different densities of myself. Allowing me to know and be more aware of what I can or could do here and now to help myself, and those that I love.
With that said, I will admit that I have big plans for my future of helping other heal. That I have a lot to learn and practice in this life.
That I will continue to build, starting slow and steady and bringing myself into it’s truest form possible here.
I was afraid for a few days that I would drift back to sleep and loose my self awareness. I realize that this is only possible when I’m living in the confinements I have about my own worth and development. When I am expanding and growing and feeling in the moment. When I am listening and then following. When I am reaching out and receiving. When I am giving out and pulling in. Every moment is in motion, and it’s about joining in on the moment at every opporutnity.
I also realize that a lot can happen when you give someone time and space to work. To grow and expand, you need space to seperate. And the process of non-seeing is one of faith and trust. To have trust, you should also have faith. These require non-seeing to believe them to be true anywhere at any time. Allowing others to come and grow from your life, allows you both time to transform slowly.
I have really struggled with “how to help” from a distance. But actually it’s that distance that helps the most. From my perspective, when someone “comes back” around, they are different in various ways because of that time and space to grow. Even if only a little.
I’m more at ease now that I know how much time has passed since being burned. lol.
I AM. ALIVE.
To the purple flame, of both fire and water, earth and air, space and time,
I love you & namaste