I have learned a lot about my interest this year, and I’m really happy with what I’ve done, learned, and been able to understand. The emotional blocks that I’ve worked to release are profoundly impacting.
I did this by facing my emotional feelings with open honest willingness to change and understand. There are people, situations, actions, that I have felt shame and guilt over for a long time. Forgiving and letting some go, while working to restore and reconnect with others. It hasn’t always been easy to reconcile the past in my mind, without contact, cutting cords and changing my thoughts. This happens a little later than the emotional feelings being release through meditation, crying, re-telling or working with oils. It’s personal, private and often takes time to process the emotions, some as if they have just occured. These included events of being taking advantage, previous mind control, relationship manipulators, and themes provided by the Crow, the Snake, Spider, and the Dragon. I played part as the Owl, and Fox.
These characters have spiritually installed themselves in my life, and escaped their containment as I evolved through my awakening. The crows, the birds, Hugin and Mugin they provided me with Questions and Answers, and you can see the evidence of this in my writing. I ask and then later receive. It took my mental consciousness with the DK episode to link up to them, they caught my attention and I caught theirs. Then the reptiles and spiders, they crept up and it was a challenge to face my fears in which they represent. The Dragon is a repeating theme in my life and can feel both light and dark. Taming this Dragon Energy has been an ongoing effort within myself, tied up with my ego and survival traits of course, I’d later link them up to the Root Chakra and the dragon would become snake, curling the Kundali up to Awaken my Higher Chakras and Realms through the Abyss. The Abyss was the Dark Knight time in which I was clouded, confused, and broken. The Pandora’s Box, opened and displayed with chaotic and dramatic flair. It was the Spider, the Queen, the characters here that hit me so deeply as their webs, and my own, beautifully woven through out our lifetime. Cox and Kelsey, Brent play big roles here as they weave the old and the new, the left and the right with characters caught within the web including Bowden, Ryan, Kat, Yedda, Jesse, OG and others. They each played a huge part in the overall themes and stories between us. These stories are recognizable, and are noteably important to my understanding the past and pressent, to decide the moment and the future.
I want to link in some earlier peices I got in the year, and apply them to what I now know.
- The dark falling feeling in regression meditation – the fallen angel
- The awakening to the Large Wings and aura
- “Save the Cats” was a repeated line in my reality, mind, and it showed up everywhere
- The Spirit Guide “Donavan”
- The Twin Flame Mirror/Threat/Journey (whatever you want to call it) triggering the DKOTS
- The Pyramids, Enoch & Solomon Trail
A few are easier explained than others. Solomon is linked to tons of things but to me it was the struggle, the letting loose of the Foxes, and the power to take down the church. Followed by questioning if he was even real, the Temple, and the mystic power of evil he had.
Enoch helped to develop the history of the Whole Story, as well as the fallen, giants, and Inner Revelation. As I comed to know the links between this and Hermes, Thoth, and Mercury. Furthering understanding of Hermetics, Gnostics, and other Escoteric information was extremely helpful. I have already loved Astrology and so Alchemy wasn’t a hard topic for me to dive into.
Through my early searching for answers I entered the Matrix and things were troubling here at first. The initial info about TF, starseed races, and awakening were misinformed and difficult to understand. It wasn’t until I related my love of science to help that this spiritual realm made any sense at all. Quantum Theories, Energy Medicine, and Emotional Body-Mind science helped me to better understand the Alchemy of each indiviual related to the Spiritual Realm of Matter Taking Form.
Within myself, I started to understand why my emotional healing was even working. I knew that emotions trapped within the body organs caused failure, and understand that if I healed from my worst Emotions than a lot would ‘fix and heal itself’. This is where I started by releasing Lies, Control, and Fuck You. These leaving me was terribly emotional and errupted huge struggles within my mind of how I didn’t have control and wanted to. And how I had wanted to tell the truth, and had to get what was in, out in Truth with Integrity. And that I had lost people, and it was for reason, and accept it as it is now. These were trying on my Soul and I realized the impacts of recognizing my Soul Struggle to Wake Up and Interact in my Reality.
Realizing my mentality is what Broken the Chains, and allowed me to dive more deeply into my fears and things that I resented. When I saw things in other people that bothered me, I had to question whether it was me or them? I often found that it really was me, that I had unresolved resentments that I was projecting or forecasting. So I worked in my own personal time to deal with these and uncover the truth about how I felt if I didn’t know. I wanted to know why I FELT these things, and where they came from. Often, it was quite difficult to identify within, I didn’t know why I felt that way? Surprising truthes, memories, and feelings would emerge suddenly and I’d sod, I’d sit and feel deeply, I’d process and release. Sometimes Violently, such as the inner child telling the truth about the Love/Money from the Divorce and Death situations. This was trama coming to surface for a final time. I know and understand this perspective now, and am working to re-learn how I feel about Relationships and Service, and it’s yet to be over. A whole new program needs to be formed here, and I’m not quiet there yet.
Large Winged and Overwhelming Aura
I think in the beginning when I started to become aware of my spine, pains in my body, and phsycially. I couldn’t help but also notice the spiritual impacts of them and I actually tuned into these more than the physical. I’ve now reserached Energy Medicine deeply. I’ve found that there is a Shoulder Chakra, a bunch of energy that builds up in the shoulders and prepares to cross the Abyss. (What D. Eden might called one of the Radiant Circuts.) The Abyss, over the 4-5th chakras, which is the Trunk of the Tree, or the Throat Chakra/neck and into the Brain and the Higher Realms, or Higher Chakras above.
This is a highly accurate area of pain and difficulty for me, and so is the Chakra Tantric symptoms of it being disturbed.
I’ve called myself an Empath. I have really had to work on my own surrounding energy of my aura. I understand the influence I have on people is huge and instant. That those that are bonded to me, are very, very affected my me. If I can hold the light, and stay calm than so can others. If I loose and errupt, so will they. It’s just the way it is. Everyone can do this, but not many currently notice their imapct and influence. It’s harder to effect than it is to be affected by it. My will is open to shifting moods, so I’ll take the help or way out of feeling bad if someone else has some light to shine (Bowden). But this simply doesn’t happen as often these days, I’m in a “better state of mind” usually. That – That says something!
The TF Mirror
To start to finish, it really was a mirror, one that I saw and recongized because of our entangled history, emotions, and well, elements. It really did prepare me for what I was going to see in myself. Idk how he handled the dark that I flung at him, but it came right back. I delt with it, I healed from it. And this back and forth was like a game of ping pong in my brain for a time. This energetic ping pong, helped me to bring my logic and reason into better Balance. I was able to see through my reason with logic, and see through my logic with reason.
After a good long while, I realized the only person I was playing with was myself haha. But that, I did have an effect on him and that it would be unconditional and with loads of love and hope for the future as individuals. I do understand that the impacts made will be long lasting, thus I have to make sure from not on that they are Light and not Dark. He’s been my Scapegoat long enough, this has to stop and the Cycle is Over.
The seperation of the entanglement, or the realization of it. The effects would be universal because we are all connected, and we happen to be in the same Web. I don’t think that’s by accident as the ripple has already affected and challenged other to healing as well, esp Bowden. Who has also been able to heal and forgive and accept a lot because of this year as well. I just need to do my part in untangling myself from the web carefully enough that I might be able to do the same for others. But that I would never be able to help someone who a) doesn’t know they are stuck and b) doesn’t want to be unstuck. This, my dearest friend, is why it’s important to ask Questions, espeically if your afraid to.
The truth is it’s a lot easier to look at someone and see what you like about someone that’s different than you. It’s harder to see someone like you and see what you do and don’t like about them. I may or may not make him question his own sanity, and I’ll tell him from experience – I know. Because it’s so much similar, to what you see in yourself. This effect is mentally challenging, and thus, Disharmonious. This is a catalyst for change, as the ego will want what it wants and the shadow will aim to manipulate this.
What happens when you face your fears?
The Shadow Speaks
The darkest parts of myself were released and exposed, and my own patterns became known to a detriment. It also meant though, that I could differentiate them. My true self, and the shadow self, they sound very different and I know this now. I know too that the Shadow will “chase me” to where I’m supposed to be, where the True Self will Lead the Way. This is what I had help from the Crow and Solomon, to learn and understand Discernment. In the end, this effectively worked to chase me back to center and well, the shadow self has a lot less to say.
Sidenote, I didn’t know what friends would say. If they’d call me crazy, or reject me for good, or tell me again to fuck off. But they didn’t, and this is why I wanted them in my web. This is why I can trust them, and set them free.
Numbers & Geometry Lead the Way
123 – 11 – 144 – 7, 8, 9
Pythagoras and Hermetics led the way through a lot of understanding of Numbers, Sacred Geometry, Sound, and Symmetry. I finally figured out the yang/yin, masculine/feminine in ways that was a combination to the whole. This eventually expanded my consciousness to understand the trinities within life, finding harmony to many difficult conundrums I found through out my emotional understanding.
Being Physical Emotional or Physical Mental
Being one or the other is difficult because these Bodies operate differently, it’s not until you combine them do you start to understand the Emotional Body Mind Complex Being.
This is where the basic Qabalah lessons started to become known and eventually understood on a deeper level. As I entered into a 4D way of living, from the lower matrix to the Higher Matrix I started to really Feel My Higher Heart and Unconditional in the way that I Loved, Served, and Connected with others.
This really struck when I found the Snake, 11, and Daath. Learning Venus was Knowledge (combo of Knowing and Understanding) recently that really, these lessons made manifest in full affect to the Transition Point in Entering the Temple.
The word temple, like the “save the cats” theme, was haunting. The Priestess, the Spider helped understand this one. As did the Law of One material and Egyptian interests in the Pyramids, not so much the Egyptians themselves. Their writing and study proved interesting to the Reptilian aspects to our Survival Brain (1 to 1) and the Crocodile Women – as I discovered my Scaled Life of Watching. First was understanding the 7 Mental Principles in Thoth’s Tablets – related ot the structure of the brain and the pyramids for source energy.
As well as Isis and the story of Osiris in 9 parts. The recovery of this and the resurection reinacted within is a difficult puzzle to put together. And this is the beauty of inner alchemy in action, restoring and renewing what was once alive, back to life yet again. In effect, I’ll just say – I’m glad to be Alive. Thanks for help out of the Abyss.
The Watchers, the Twinned Angels, and the Scape Goat
For a while I couldn’t shake the fear struck by Enoch, the Fallen Angels, and the Reptilians. I was called to both Orion and Lyra of Vega energies so strongly. I kept my distance from Andromeda and Pleiadian theories as I don’t quite trust this Anunnaki feel to creator theories of our race. I just don’t. Yet, “save the cats” and the “fallen” I definitely do! Why is that?
Orion can be found in Gemini, and Vega in Capricorn. These both call to me strongly by divine design. The Orion Wars is highly talked about, and attunes greatly to the famous Star Wars and even Star Trek. Whether this is real or fantasize, the energy is now attuned strongly with the White Dragon. Listening to Orion Channels inspires me to no end, and I really assign the energy of 8 to this as well. Where the 10 comes into Lyra, in the 10th house of the Goat. We’ve seen that before, all over my chart there is energy in my 2nd House of Capricorn. Gemini is 3, and this makes sense to me as the Twins make a Team, so there are the 3. But also, to the number 11, as the symbology of the Pillars takes form in Every Temple. The duality of the twins is a Parallel, a Mirror, a Mental Realm. It is when they interact, combine, or effect each other that they become a Team as One. One twin in the myth lives as Immortal, while the other Sacrifices itself and lived Mortal. It is this combination of Light/Dark within each, that when combined there is no right or wrong, just life and death as an equal force. This kind of takes on a new trigger when you hear “May the Force Be With You”. Which, was the last line commending Robert in his Death of Suicide, in the letter that was read at his funeral. I will always associate Rob with Star Wars, and considering part of my emotional healing is so wrapped up with this Character (aka Jack, or my own realization of Christ Consciousness). Well, there you go with some more TF energy to push it all along, this was triggered by being asked “What do you tell someone who’s suicidal, if your suicidal”. This was interesting to me, and led me to learning about the Frontal Cortex and it’s ability to make decisions and self Identify or Control. The home of the Ego, can help the Shadow self survive, who would have thought?
I’ll leave it on the note that I found Solomon’s Temple, and indeed it was built by the chaos, the divine, the combination of accepting both the Light and the Dark. Which, is so very primal by human nature of Physical and Spiritual Beings.
When we work to integrate the Mental and the Emotional, we really begin to Feel Source, Hear Source, and can begin to Service to Source. This is the Purpose of Life, and thus. The Healer becomes Healed and the story continues to unfold from the ALL to MIND to EYE to SOUL. To FEEL, to LOVE, and to EXPERIENCE itself. Only to SURVIVE, to DESIRE, and to SERVE. And thus, the return. ( I Love that Our Bodies Energy is Based on this Cycle – as are the stars, planets, cells, and everything micro and everything macro – LOVE IS LIGHT & LIGHT BE LOVED.
The learning continues!
Thanks for reading.